Blogging The Friendship Factor. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: How to Improve Your Conversation Skills

This is the last chapter that we are doing as a group. The guy that has been leading the group says that he saved the best for last. And this is the best chapter that we have done.

The basic idea of the chapter is that the best way to improve one’s conversation skills, and to be a better friend, is to learn to listen to others, ask questions, and keep your mouth shut about what you hear.

Sound advice.

I think that is a reflection of the pastor’s heart of this man that he got stuck on this chapter. One of the key things about being a pastor is an ability to lay one’s self aside in order to serve another person by listening.

The section headings tell the story:
• Good listeners listen with their eyes
• Good listeners never break a confidence
• Good listeners complete the loop (responding to comments)
• Good listeners show gratitude when someone confides

The first and third are characteristic of “active” listeners. That is, listeners who are paying close attention to what is being said.

One of the things that Dr. McGinnis emphasizes is that being a good listener does not mean giving advice or sound counsel. There is a time and place for that, but being a friend means being an “ear” first.

When I was in high school, a friend of mine complimented me on being a good “ear.” I think that was because I was so ignorant that I never knew what to say, so I listened. Somewhere along the line, I learned a lot of stuff, and I like talking. As I have said in other posts, when it comes to teaching, that is a feature not a bug.

Sadly, I have stopped listening to an extent, and I am full of advice (well, I am 52 and have made mistakes in all the major and most of the minor aspects of being alive).

See the post above for more about this.