Blogging The Friendship Factor. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Why some people never lack friends

Opening discussion about Howard Hughs

It is an old axiom that God gave us things to use and people to enjoy.

People are made in the image of God. They are not things. God cherishes each of His creatures.

Their [people who are deeply loved] companions are very important to them, and no matter how busy their schedule, they have developed a life-style and a way of dispensing their time that allows them to have several profound relationships with people.

So rule number one for deepening your friendships is: Assign top priority to your relationships.

First: Am I assigning top priority to my relationship with God? Then look at the other relationships: spouse, other family, then “mere” friends. Many people have deep friendship relationships with their families: siblings, parents, nieces and nephews, etc. My father’s deepest friendships were with his siblings and their spouses, then my mother’s siblings and families. The early death of his sister’s husband hit him very hard. These are “natural” friendships to form. They are nurtured by years of picnics and holidays, weddings and funerals. They can be a model for friendships outside of the family.

Questions about relationships:
• Do you have at least one person nearby whom you can call on in times of personal distress?
• Do you have several people whom you can visit with little advance warning without apology?
• Do you have several people with whom you can share recreational activities?
• Do you have people who will lend you money if you need it, or those who will care for you in practical ways if the need arises?

I can answer, “yes,” to each of these. But I think more because I go a church where this is normal behavior than because of the deep friendships I have.

The fact of the matter is that one cannot have a profound connection with more than a few people. Time prohibits it. Deep friendship requires cultivation over the years—evenings before the fire, long walks and lots of time for talk.

Watching lots of football games, lifting heavy objects, spitting. (Did I miss anything?) Seriously, you have to be in this for the long haul. With most good relationships you say something like, “We just picked up where we left off.”

Few of the valuable things in life “just happen.”